School & Reunion Jokes, Stories, Poems...
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
High School Class Reunion
He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions over the last 20+ years without fail.
This anniversary of their class the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, the widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes, yes I will!"
The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled. Did she say "Yes" or did she say "No?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No?'"
"Why you silly man, I said, 'Yes. Yes I will.' And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!"
An elderly classmate, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady. The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Old guy classmates A group of Waseca classmates discuss where they should meet for dinner on the night before their 20 year reunion. Finally it is agreed they should meet at Charlie's restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.
10 years later, at the time of their 30 year reunion, the group once again discusses where they should eat the night before their reunion. Finally it is agreed they should meet at Charlie's because they have a two-for-one special on drinks.
10 years later, at the time of their 40 year reunion, the group once again discusses where they should eat the night before their reunion. Finally it is agreed they should meet at Charlie's because the food there is very good and the wine and beer selection is good, also.
10 years later, at the time of their 50 year reunion, the group once again discusses where they should eat the night before their reunion. Finally it is agreed they should meet at Charlie's because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at the time of their 60 year reunion, the group once again discusses where they should eat the night before their reunion. Finally it is agreed they should meet at Charlie's because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at the time of their 70 year reunion, the group once again discusses where they should eat the night before their reunion and agrees they should meet at Charlie's because they have never been there before.
Surely, I can't look that old!
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, 'Surely, I can't look that old!' Well.... You'll love this one.
While sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist, I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Waseca high school.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Bluejay," he beamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit SOB asked, "What did you teach?"
Shared by Judi Larsen Szyszka WHS 1959
Gifts for the Kindergarten Teacher
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" SURPRISE!
The Class Reunion
by Jo D. Stockwell
North Kansas City High School
Written in 1988 for 40 Year Reunion
Every ten years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.
I'll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.
It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.
The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.
The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.
No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.
The boy we'd decreed "most apt to succeed"
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted "least" now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.
They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least.
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.
They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.
At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.
It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.
By the fortieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.
And now I can't wait; they've set the date;
Our fiftieth is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.
Repairs have been made on my hearing aid;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.
I'm feeling quite hearty, and I'm ready to party
I'm gonna dance 'til dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; But I just hope that there's one
Other person who can make it that night.
Reunion Road Trip
While on the road to our reunion, a classmate and his wife stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the classmate's wife unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the classmate became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the wife got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, our classmate (the old geezer) yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my wallet and credit card."
A man who was sightseeing just after having arrived in heaven, noticed several persons dragging a ball and chain around with them. On expressing surprise that such a thing could occur in heaven, he was informed that they came from Waseca and that was the only way they could be kept from going back.